When Life Breaks Your Heart
by soulmates60
Summary: DISCONTINUED
1. Changes

Adrian sat at her desk looking at the mound of work that she had in front of her. She sighed softly, she knew it would be another long night at the office for her. She looked over at the corner of her desk where two photos made her smile. One was of Adrian and Bryan on their wedding day. The other was of the whole family. They were all in blue jeans and a white shirt sitting on the grass against a backdrop of a beautiful meadow. It made Adrian a little sad though to look at them too. She was missing more and more of her kids and her husbands lives. She wanted to be apart of them so badly. She had put her own life and career on hold for Bryan to raise the kids and be a single parent to them while Bryan was chasing his own career. While she never resented any of her decisions, she knew she wanted to get her own career on who was on leave from his last tour had been home the last six months taking care of the kids and Adrian knew he would be going back sooner rather than later. And she knew she would only have so much time to work seventy hours at her job before she cut back and was more available to be in her childrens' lives more. It would be a hard ajustment as had several over the last few months.

Adrian thought back to all the changes in the last six months time. First Ricky had been offered a great job at opening a new business in Chicago. It was a great increase of revenue so he took it. So Amy, John, Anna, Lucy, Henry, and their new baby Emma all moved to Chicago with their dad. They didn't sell their house they merely leased it out to a couple for a years time. The job was only for a year so they would be coming back to their home.

Grace had graduated from medical school. She was now working as a medical student at a prestigous hospital in New York. She loved every moment of it. She was working hard and was happy to be that much closer to her dream of being a doctor. Jack was still counceling and teaching football at the high school. He loved it more each year it seemed. He was caring the most for Shawn and the twins but he loved it so much.

Ashley and Toby had moved to Florida to be with Toby's grandmother who was battling from a bad stroke. Ashley was also taking classes again to get another major to teach english and journalism at the local schools. Meanwhile Hunter was any of the craziness surrounding the events before and after his birth. They were all doing their best to put it all behind them.

George and Anne were permanetly living up by Mimzy now who's health had taken a turn for the worst. The doctors gave her until the end of the year no longer. All of the Juergens were very sad at this loss and were doing their best to stay updated and as much in contact through email and phone with her. Although they all knew it would be the end for her very soon.

Nora and Ollie were in Texas finishing up a hush hush deal for Leo and Camille and their business. Still no word had been established on what is was but everyone knew it must be something big to take almost a year to finish. Although they were both missed by their family and friends they knew one day in the near future they would be coming home.

Adrian's own parents were doing well. They both worked alot and spent as much time together as they could. But they both loved their life together so much. They had even hosted Adrian half younger brother Alejandro or Alex as he is called for the summer. Adrian was doing her best to spent time with him and she was suppose to meet him in an hour for lunch. She knew she would have to stay late and she knew it was worth it.

Although life seemed good Adrian had her own set of troubles. First of all her and Bryan were arguing about a few different things. One was that he hadn't retired from the army after his second enlistment but had actually reenlisted again for a third time. Second was that he wanted more children and Adrian wasn't sure on anything at all. And thirdly when he went back he wanted Adrian to go way down on her hours or stay home with the kids and she could work on her career after he got back from his last tour. Adrian getting frustrated decided to concentrate on some work instead of her personal life.

Before she knew it time was up. Alex arrived and honked the horn of the red mustang convertable that Adrian had given him recently. He loved his sister and he loved the machine she had given him. He honked the horn. And about two minutes later Adrian came out and got into the passenger seat.

"Alright where to you want to eat lunch sis?" Alex asked her as he backed out of the parking lot and started to drive away from the law firm where Adrian worked.

"How about Sergios?" Adrian suggested.

And with that Alex turned the car to downtown. Sooner they were driving through a rough looking neighborhood. Adrian knew they were lost only Alex didn't seem to want to admit it. Finally Alex saw three guys on the side of the road and he pulled up next to them.

"Excuse me we are lost. Looking for the restaurant Sergios. Can any of you help us find it?" Alex asked.

The three men looked at each other and all of a sudden Adrian and Alex were both looking down at two gun barrels. All of sudden shots rang out and Alex was covered in his own blood. And soon Adrian felt the searing pain after being shot. Adrian held onto Alex's hand and tried to comfort them as they lay there probably dying never to see any of their family or friends again. And Adrian could only try to keep Alex conscious to stay alive. Adrian only hoped that help was on their way. 


	2. The Aftermath

Adrian could feel herself starting to pass out. But she tried to fight it so hard until the darkness overcame her as she heard the sirens wailing in the background. She hoped they only got there in time.

The paramedics arrived shortly after Adrian passed out. They got them loaded each on a stretcher and loaded Alex into one ambulance and Adrian into another. The paramedics were getting their vitals and trying to keep both of them alive until they got to the hospital to be stablized. And off the ambulances went wailing once again only this time with Adrian and Alex in them.

Several hours later Adrian awoke in the hospital. She had machines hooked up to her and she had a tube down her throat so she couldn't talk. She looked up but the dizziness hit her fast so she laid back down against the pillow. She saw Bryan walking up to her. He took her hand and pulled it up to his lips and kissed it so gently and tender as if Adrian's was glass and she break if she was handled to roughly. Adrian could see he had been crying and he looked like someone had broke his heart. Adrian felt terrible for scaring him like that. Although she had no control over the situation.

"It is so good to see you awake honey. I thought...We weren't sure... I am just so glad you made it through... I don't know what I would do... I can't even imagine..." Bryan said as he began to cry and he put his hands up to his face and tried to stop the tears but they kept coming.

Adrian put her hand up to his cheek and gently rubbed it with her fingers. Her touch so gentle so much like her feather. Bryan looked over at her with his sad eyes and he leaned down by the bed and he pulled her hands in his own and he placed his head upon them and just cried for several moments until the tears finally stopped. Adrian looked at her husband and she loved this man so much. He was the other half of her and she needed him like he needed her.

"I love you Adrian. No matter how much we fight, or what we go through. I will love you until the very last breath and heartbeat within me. And even then I will still love you. I am going to go get the doctor and let them know your awake. Don't go away." Bryan said as he got up off his knees and kissed her hand and then left the room.

A few minutes later the doctor and a few nurses were in Adrian's room. They had removed the breathing tube and Adrian was now comfortably breathing on her own. They did a physical exam and Adrian felt so weak and no energy. The doctor put some notes on her chart and he did a few more tests with Adrian.

"Adrian are you feeling any sharp pain? Any numbness or no feeling at all?" the doctor asked her.

"No not right now. I just hurt like I did a hard workout at the gym. Am I going to be okay? Is my brother okay?" Adrian asked the doctor as he continued to ask her more questions which she answered as best as she could but she patiently waited for an answer to her questions.

"You haven't answered my questions. Please tell me?" Adrian asked again as her voice cracked as she said it.

"Adrian I am not going to lie to you. You were shot twice once in the shoulder and once in the abdomen. You lost several volumes of blood which we replaced through blood transfusion. Your body has been through a war and you have a long road of recovery. We had to remove your spleen and your heart stopped once. It's going to take months for you to heal and I can't promise you will be back to one hundred percent you will probably have some affects from the shooting that will stay with you. I am sorry to be blunt but I feel you need to be aware of the challenges ahead of you. I don't know anything about your brother I will find out and get back to you as soon as I know anything. Let me know as the pain increases the meds will probably begin to ware off soon and I will do a better exam at that time. Call the nurse if the pain gets unbearable if I don't get back before it gets that bad." The doctor said and he left the room.

"Oh my God. How could this have happened? I don't understand...Please God tell my why... I can't handle this...I can't do this... I can't change it... I can't fix it...Alex... Dear God No... Not my little brother too... I..." Adrian said as she burst into tears and started to breathe irratically. Adrian couldn't stop the pain or the tears. They were coming as if she would drown in them.

Bryan sat down on the bed and he engulfed Adrian in his arms and held her in an embrace. But he could feel it didn't really do anything to help. So they just held onto one another and let the tears fall for all the pain and tragedy that had unfolded in front of them. They cried for all the pain in their past and all the challenges and pain it would cause in the future.

And then a knock came at the door and a nurse came in with a very sad face. She was carrying what looked to be a chart and she walked into the room and closed the door behind her. She walked over to them and before she could say anything Adrian knew what she would say. She could see all of it in her mind and she knew that her brother was already gone from this life.

"He's gone isn't he?" Adrian said as if the words felt bitter and foul.

"I am so sorry they tried so hard to resusitate him but he was pronouced dead on arrival. He had several gunshut wounds to his..." The nurse began.  
"I don't want to know the details. Please give me a few minutes alone with my husband." Adrian said and the nurse left quietly.

"Oh dear God this is all my fault. He's dead because of me. How am I going to tell my parents and his mother? His mother trusted me to keep him safe and I let them all down. I killed him. Awwwww. I can't take this not again. Bryan why?" Adrian said as she cried more and more and Bryan could only hold her as she was falling apart. In truth everything had just fallen apart the moment the first shot was fired now the aftermath was showing it's ugly head 


	3. Broken Pieces

Adrian laid there in her hospital bed numb. She couldn't feel anything around her, not really. It was as if she was stuck in a nightmare, and she really wished she was. The last eight hours had been a nightmare and someone was going to come in and wake her up and tell her everythings fine and Alex is alive and waiting for her. And then as the thoughts of Alex hit her Adrian put her face into her pillow and cried and screamed all at the same time. The guilt, pain, fear, anger, and sadness all rolled up into one. Adrian didn't know if she could live through this, not again. It was almost too much after all the loss she had in her own life. So many people who died and so much emptiness and pain left behind. Adrian didn't think she could do this again. She cried for what seemed like hours until the exhaustion overcame her. And the darkness came upon her again where the silence screamed louder than any noise ever could.

Bryan walked into the hospital with a bag in hand. He made his way through the hospital but he barely noticed anything as he made the gutwrenching walk to Adrian's hospital room. He could feel the pain raging through him as well as the anger. He wanted to know why and how someone could do this and then run away and leave two people left bleeding to death. He felt angrier as he thought about it. So he pushed it further from his mind. As he walked through the hallways he heard his phone ring. He reached into his pocket and he flip opened the phone.

"Hello?" Bryan said in a very flat voice.

"Bryan? It's Amy, I got your message just now. What's going on?" Amy said very anxiously as she could tell from his message that something wasn't right.

"Amy...Amy, Adrian was shot...She is going to be...okay...eventually...but..." Bryan stopped and tried to quiet his tears and the grief threating to spill over.

"What Bryan? Please tell me?" Amy said as her tears came flowing down her face.

"Alex was driving... he was shot six times...one fatally in his...head... I am so sorry... he didn't make it..." Bryan said as he just lost it and started to cry and all the pain came out all at one time. Bryan felt his heart was breaking.

"Oh GOD! Bryan... I am so sorry...This can't be happening..." Amy said as she felt like someone had lifted the ground from beneath her.

"Amy I can't talk... I have to get back to her... I will call later..." Bryan managed to say.

"Okay I am coming as soon as I can. Tell Adrian we love her and are thoughts are with you all." Amy said and then hung up the phone and she slid to the ground with the phone in hand and curled up into a ball and just screamed and cried.

After Bryan hung up the phone he wiped away his tears and he walked into the hospital room. Adrian was laying asleep on the bed. In the corner Cindy and Ruben were sitting in the two chairs in the room. Both looking somber and sad as if they had been crying the entire time as he was gone to check on the kids and pack Adrian's clothes and a few other things. Bryan set the bag on the floor by Adrian's bed.

"She woke up screaming while you were gone. Dr. Hayes gave her a seditive to help her sleep. She said that nightmares aren't uncommon after such a traumatic experience. She went back to sleep after that. Dr. Hayes said her incisions and wounds are healing well." Cindy said as she tried to remain calm in such a chaotic time in all of their lives.

"At least her physical wounds. Some wounds take longer and other never heal. I don't know how she supposed to heal and go back to her life like it was before all of this. I don't think she can or any of us can." Bryan said as he watched Adrian closely.

"You can't noone can. It's impossible. We just all have to band together and heal as best as we can." Cindy said as she wiped away tears from her eyes.

"Well I don't feel the same. I want to catch this scum who did this. He killed my son and he almost took my daughter, and I don't forgive that. I want them prosecuted and judgement to pass on them as they passed judgement on my kids who were innocent. I WON'T SIT BACK AND TAKE THIS LAYING DOWN I WILL FIND THEM!" Ruben said as his voice rose full of hurt, anger, and a bit of revenge.

"Ruben it's alright. Everything will work out one way or the other." Cindy said as she pulled him into her arms.

"It will never by okay. It will never be okay again. I have to make a phone call." Ruben said as he walked out of the room.

"He's taken upon himself to head up the search for the people responsible for this horrible thing. He thinks that this is all his fault. It wasn't his or anyone's fault except those who pulled the trigger and fired the gunds. I only hope he doesn't do something he will regret. Because I need him now more than ever. I love him Bryan and I love you and Adrian. This family has been through enough and I want us to grieve together if at all possible. But everyone grieves differently." Cindy said as she felt like her composure was beginning to break apart.

"Adrian feels the same way. She thinks because she was there and she is the big sister that it was her job to protect him and keep him safe. But this was so much bigger than any of this. No one could predict this would happen. And no one here is to blame. Only those that did it are to blame and one day they will meet their judgement and their fate. But what I care about is right here, right now, my family. That's what I care about. I think we let the cops do their jobs and leave that stress to them. We all have enough going on now and in the future." Bryan said as he looked over at his wife with worry on his face.

"Is Alex's mother coming up from Mexico tomorrow still?" Bryan asked as he looked back at Cindy.

"Paloma will be here in the morning. She is shattered and broken by this news... I can't even imagining the pain she is going through losing her son... It reminds me of Adrian and Ben when they lost Mercy... It nearly killed them... especially Adrian... She felt like life had cheated her. And in a way it had. Adrian was so terrified after she got pregnant with Hope. But that turned out, but she was petrified when she was pregnant with the twins. She kept saying that if something happened to them, she couldn't imagine what it would do to you. She was so worried. But it all turned out well. I think she fears it happening again even now afer having two successful pregnancies since it happened. I am just so glad Adrian didn't die to. I think it would have killed Ruben for sure if they both didn't make it. Not that Adrian's life was more important that Alex's. I am just glad." Cindy said as she cried with her hands held up to her face.

"She never told me about that when she was pregnant with the twins. I am glad she is here too. I can't even put into words what it means to have her here." Bryan said as the door opened and he and Cindy turned and saw Ruben walk in.

"There was news at the station just now. They have three suspects in custody. I am going to go down there now. I will be back in a few short hours. I love you sweetheart call me if there is any change with Adrian." Ruben said as he kissed Cindy tenderly on the lips.

"I love you too. Please be careful." Cindy said as Ruben was walking away.

"I will be." Ruben said and then he left the room.

"Oh dear God please protect him." Cindy sent up a prayer to the sky.

"Where do we go from here after all of this?" Bryan said feeling like their lives felt like shattered glass laying at their feet. Millions of pieces just shattered and turned to dust that it would take ten lifetimes to put them back together.

"Just be there for each other. Cry, scream, pray, hold onto one another. That's all we can do is just be there." Cindy said as if she felt like her words were hollow and someone else had just said.

Bryan and Cindy sat in the chairs as they kept their eyes on Adrian as they watched her chest rise and fall with each breath, and each heartbeat. That was all it took to change their lives forever. One second, one breath, one heartbeat and their lives were forever changed. 


	4. Painful Reminders

Adrian sat up the next morning in her hospital room. They grey walls felt like they were suffocating her and she felt like she was imprisoned here. All she wanted to do was cry all the time. She couldn't bring herself to even attempt at her former life that they in ruins before her. Adrian felt like something had died inside of her. Just as she had with Mercy, and then with Ben. So she didn't have much life left in her right? Adrian didn't know but she knew that at the moment she didn't have the strength to even try. So she laid back down and she closed her eyes trying to shut out the noises and the sights from the shooting, only they were there when she closed her eyes or fell asleep. Just as loud, just as real as it had been. Adrian buried her face in her pillow and let the tears flow once again. She didn't notice that Bryan quietly left the room.

Bryan closed the door behind him quietly. Bryan couldn't stand to see her cry anymore. He took out his phone and he noticed her had several text messages and a voicemail. He called his voicemail and put in his password. Finally the message started to play and Amy's voice came on the speaker. Bryan listened: Hey, Bryan it's Amy. I am on my way to the airport and I will be in about seven-thirty tonight. Ricky and the kids are back in Chicago though. Ricky is finishing up a few things for his job but they will be driving back in a week or so. We love you both so much. See you all soon.

Bryan closed the phone when he heard a set of footsteps walk up to Adrian's room and he turned and he saw a woman with dark black hair and a very sad face. Bryan figured it had to be Paloma, Alex's mother. She walked up to Bryan and Bryan turned around to face her. He saw such deep sadness within her eyes that it took everything for him not to cry right there.

"Excuse me is this Adrian Callum's room?" the woman asked Bryan.

"Yes it is. I am Adrian's husband Bryan." Bryan said.

"I am Paloma Vasquez. I am Alejandro's mother. May I speak with Adrian?" Paloma asked.

"Nice to meet you. Wish it wasn't because of this. Go on in. I wouldn't count on much. But go on." Bryan said as he shook Paloma's hand.

"I wish it were under any cicumstances other than this. Thank you I will just be a few minutes." Paloma said and then opened the door and walked into the room quietly.

Paloma sat down on the chair next to the bed and she looked at Adrian who looked like she had been through hell and back. She felt sorry for this poor girl having gone through what she had for reasons that shouldn't of happened.

Adrian heard someone come in and sit down next to her bed. Adrian turned over and looked at a woman that looked so much like her brother Alex. But her eyes were so sad, it was almost like she was barely living. Her eyes showed no light only a deep dark sadness. Adrian felt so much like that too. So many people loved Alex and so many were hurt and breaking apart as his death brought the heartache and pain so close and so deep as if they were cut by shards of glass and left bleeding wide open.

"Adrian, I am Paloma. I am Alejandro's mother. I can see everything that Alejandro said about you was true. He described you so vividly that I could almost picture you and I am glad that I was very close. I wanted to talk to you. I know you must be hurting so much. Alejandro was your only brother and I know you had such little time to get to know one another. I am so very sorry for that. I wish things had turned out differently but we can't go back. Nothing we say or do can change the past. I wish I could but it's just impossible. I wanted you to know that Alejando loved you so much and you were everything to him. You brought him so much happiness. I wanted to thank you for that and that I don't blame you in any way. Those responsible will be punished and will be judged for who they are and what they have done. I believe that." Paloma said as she squeezed Adrian's hand.

"I am so sorry Paloma. I can't even imagine what you must be feeling, and thinking. It is horrific to have to lose a child. It is nothing anyone can ever descibe or put the loss into words. And nothing makes it okay. I am so sorry. I know you were his world. He loved you more than a child could ever love their mother. And the way he descibed you, you deserved all of it and so much more. I only wish he was here with you. I wish it was me, and not him. He was so full of life, light, and hope. He lit up the room and those around him. I feel like the world has lost one of it's brightest stars that just faded out. This shouldn't have been the end of his story. It isn't fair to him, or you. It should have been me." Adrian said as her tears came again.

Paloma pulled Adrian into her arms as she could feel this young girl breaking apart in her arms. She held her as tight as she could but without hurting her. It was like this young woman didn't have any hope, life, or fight left in her. That made Paloma even more sad at the torn tatters that his massacre had left behind in it's wake. It made Paloma more angry knowing that this could have been stopped but for whatever reasons others decided to handle things in their own way.

Paloma pulled back and put her hands on either side of Adrian's face. "Listen to me. You can't see that. You are very special person and you need to believe that for whatever reasons unknown to us you are meant to be here and for Alejando isn't. You are a wonderful woman and you have a family and a husband who love you and who need you. Adrian, I am so glad you made it. I couldn't bare it if you both didn't make it. This world and this family need you Adrian. You are so a special woman and I know you have lived through your own hell. But I know you made it through. You are strong and you wouldn't be here if you didn't fight you way through all that heartache. Please don't say such horrible things. I wouldn't trade you life for anyone elses. God guides us in our lives and things happen and we have to try our best to survive them. I will go now but I just wanted to see you and talk to you. I hope I can come see you again." Paloma said as she stood up from the chair.

"Yes please do. It was nice to meet you." Adrian said as Paloma started to walk towards the door.

"I would like that very much Adrian." Paloma said as she walked out of the door and closed it behind her.

Adrian burst into another round of tears and began to beat up her pillow until she felt the anger and pain exhaust her and still it lingered inside so much. It seemed like nothing could take it away or make it better. So Adrian let herself feel everything and she couldn't take the pain. It just hurt so much. She cried until she finally fell asleep again.

Later on that night Adrian began screaming and crying in her sleep. It terrified Bryan as he stood up from where he was sitting and he tried to wake her up. But she kept screaming. "DON'T SHOOT! Please don't kill us. NOOOOOO! ALEX! COME BACK TO ME!" Adrian screamed in agony. Until finally after Bryan kept shaking her did she realize it was a nightmare. She woke up looking at a terrified Bryan who looked helpless to help her. He just held onto her as if he could hold her up in this dark time.

Then came a knock on the door. And in walked Amy who looked sad. She saw Adrian and Bryan in an embrace. She could see that Adrian was falling apart and Bryan was struggling from probably lack of sleep and the deep sadness. "Bryan why don't you give Adrian and I a few minutes? Please?" Amy asked.

"Sure." Bryan said as he gave Adrian a kiss on the cheek and walked out into the hallway.

Amy rushed over and pulled Adrian into her arms. It had been so hard to be so far away from her and her family. And she felt helpless thousands of miles away from her and not able to even hug her. But now she was back and she could. It made her feel feel better to see her and hold her in her arms. And to just be there for her when she needed those she loved in her corner.

"Amy. I am so glad you're here. I have missed you so much and I need you here." Adrian said as she cried.

"I am here Adrian. I am right here." Amy said as she held onto her dearest friend as they both cried from all the pain and heartache that they both felt. 


	5. Endings?

Three months had passed since Alex's death and funeral. Adrian was trying to pick up the pieces. She had gone back to work and she was doing everything she had been before the shooting, only now she did in a robotic way. She felt like she was barely living a life. More like her body did what it knew. And at night she would wake up screaming out for Alex, and most recently for Mercy, and lastly for Ben. Which hurt Bryan the most. Adrian saw Bryan's heart break a little more everytime she screamed out to someone who couldn't reach out for her. But Adrian didn't know how to make things change or any better. She had done therapy, she had gone to support groups, she took the medicines they gave her, she kept all her doctor's appointments. What else could she do? She was tired of fighting. She had nothing left inside of her. So she just did what she had to do.

Adrian was in the kitchen trying to make dinner but it wasn't going well. She was trying to go through files at the same time and that was proving almost impossible. So when she smelled the smoke she dropped the file and grabbed a towel and opened the stove to a cloud of smoke. Then she threw the towel on the counter and kicked the oven closed loudly. She didn't see Bryan walk in behind her.

"If you usually give it tender care it will work okay for you." Bryan said with a smirk on his face.

"You think this is funny?" Adrian said in anger.

"Kinda yeah." Bryan said with a little laugh.

"I can't believe you. I am trying to work and get dinner done and all you can do is laugh at me. I am so glad you find this so amusing." Adrian said as she looked at him with a very angry look on her face.

Bryan walked over to her and he pulled her into his arms. "I'm sorry I didn't mean any harm Adrian. I just thought it was funny. I see now it isn't." Bryan said as he turned to kiss her on the lips, but Adrian pulled away and walked away from Bryan. "What's wrong now?" Bryan said with hurt in his voice.

"I can't do anything right anymore. I wonder why I even try anymore." Adrian said as she stared at the mess of the kitchen around her.

"Adrian your putting too much pressure on yourself too quickly. Just give it more time. Everything will be alright. You just have to have faith that time will help ease the pain." Bryan said trying to help ease the tension.

"I can't believe you just said that. NOTHING WILL EVER MAKE THIS ALRIGHT! No amount of time, no amount of therapy, no matter how many times you say, or how much I want to change this. Nothing can change it or make it okay. Nothing. I just wish you would leave it alone." Adrian said with such pain in her voice.

"Adrian I won't leave it alone. I am losing you. Everyday you put more and more distance between us. I feel like your going to dissapear. The kids miss you, your parents miss you, your friends miss you, and I miss you Adrian. We all miss you." Bryan said with heartfelt emotion in his voice as he spoke.

"I'm right here." Adrian said.

"No you haven't been here in months. Ever since that day you have been gone. I have tried everything I know how to help and make you see what you have in front of you. But it's like your throwing it all away for those lost to you forever in this life. You are among the living, and your chosing the lost souls over the family you have that is very much alive. And I am getting tired of competeing with a ghost." Bryan said with anger in his voice.

"What are you talking about?" Adrian looked at him and watched every move he made with his eyes.

"Ben. He's here between us, even death. I never felt it before, but I do know. You cry out for him almost every night. And it's like your reaching out for him. And I am right here Adrian, but you don't care. It's like you are the only one going through this. We all lost Alex, and we all are dealing with the aftermath of all of this. I can't fight this. I don't know how. I can't compete with Ben. I love you Adrian, but I won't compete with your dead husband. He's gone, dead in the ground, and gone forever. But I am here. I have been for months, you just chose not to see it or not to reach out to me. Your putting me through hell too you know. Ben is dead. Don't you understand that? He won't hold you, he won't talk to you, he won't ever be with you again." Bryan said as he poured his heart out.

"I know that this has been hard on all of you. Don't you think I hate myself for not being here for you all. But how can I be when something died inside me. That night it took the last piece of me that was still living and it broke it, and I can't seem to get it back. I have had too many losses to put the broken back together. You didn't know the hell I have been through. You weren't there until later. And I am sorry if that sounds cold. But I hope you never see the horrors that I have." Adrian said as her tears began to fall.

"I have been to war Adrian, more than once. I have seen horrible things in this life to last a thousands lives. So I know where your coming from." Bryan said.

"I lost a child, and a husband, and a brother. All in horrible ways. I held my stillborn lifeless daughter in my arms. She never had a chance. She was so still, so quiet. But she was beautiful. Ben and my features beautiful scultped into this little girl only to be snatched away from her. That is one of the cruelest things in the world. It really killed so much in me. And then when Ben died, and I was there holding his hand as he bled out onto the table from everywhere and he said his goodbyes and then the life just faded from him. That leaves it's physical mark as something else died inside. And then as I watched as Alex was shot and I could see his blood pour out from him. And I couldn't stop it. They were all my fault. And I can never forgive myself for any of this. This was not how my life was supposed to go, it should have been happy and full of life." Adrian said as she cried even more.

"What does that mean, it should have been happy?" Bryan looked at her.

"I was supposed to raise my girls with Ben and he was the one that I loved with all my heart. But it all went away." Adrian said aloud without really thinking about it.

"So what was I just a filler then? And what about our kids Adrian? Were they just a compromise to pacify me. Do you feel anything when we kiss, when we make love, when my children grew inside of you? Do you even love me Adrian?" Bryan said as if someone had cut a knife through him.

"I..." Adrian said as she felt horrible for what she has said.

"Don't bother it's pretty clear how you feel." Bryan said and then slammed the back door behind him as he left the house.

Adrian sunk to her knees and began to cry more. She couldn't seem to not leave destruction in her path. She didn't really mean the things she had said. She was hurt. And she had hurt Bryan. She saw the anguish within his eyes. And it was killing her to see him in such pain. Adrian laid on the floor and tucked herself into a little ball. Then she knew what she had to do to make everything right. She stood up and went to the sink. There were her pills. She opened the containers and poured all them one by one into her mouth and then she drank a glass of water. And then she laid back on the floor and waited for the pain to all go away and make everything right again.


	6. Slipped Away

Amy had just left her house after unpacking her last box. They were finally home and trying to get everything back to normal. Ricky had returned with the kids only two weeks ago and she had missed them terribly. They were her life and she wasn't whole without them. Amy watched as the kids ran and played outside. John now so healthy and happy so unlike last year. It filled Amy's heart with love to see her son alive and healthy. Then there was Anna running and playing with Lucy as they giggled. Their laughs melted her heart. She loved her little girls so much. And then Henry was playing in the sandbox and just being his sweet adventurous self. And lastly six month old Emma was fast alseep in her bouncy seat next to Amy as she sat on the deck. Then the back door opened and Ricky appeared. He walked up behind Amy and leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on Amy's lips. Then he took a seat next to Amy. He gently picked up her hand and held it.

"It's so good to be home and back in our own house. I liked the job and the paychecks it brought but nothing like the place we all love and missed so much to come home too." Ricky said as he watched his kids playing and surveying their backyard.

Amy gave Ricky's hand a gentle squeeze and Ricky turned to face her. "Your right. I have missed this peaceful place. But I will always follow you to the ends of the earth. I never imagined our lives could be so full of love and hope for the future compared to last year. But it seems things are finally going to calm down. I love you so much Ricky. You have given me five children, a wonderful marriage, and the most love anyone should be allowed. Nothing will ever change that." Amy said as she looked lovingly at Ricky.

"I will always love you. It hasn't always been an easy life but it's always worth the effort. And I can't imagine life any other way than it is right now. " Ricky replied and flashed his trademark smile.

Amy got up and sat in Ricky's arms. He pulled her close as their lips met in a hungry need for one another. And both parted out of breath. Amy could see the want and need Ricky's eyes. She kissed him again this time with more passion. And Ricky pulled back to look at Amy. He loved this woman so much. And they continued to hold onto each other and kiss one another.

"I can't wait till the kids are in bed. Speaking of isn't it bedtime now?" Ricky said playfully.

"No it's only four o'clock. But later..." Amy said as she kissed him again.

"I want you so much. I wish we could now." Ricky said as he caught his breath.

"I can't now. Dinner has to be made." Amy said softly.

"Well we can have fun while making dinner." Ricky said in a delvish voice.

"I do have to stop by Adrians. She wanted to talk for a few minutes. The sooner I go, the sooner I will get back." Amy said.

"Okay but you better be back before the kids are asleep. Or I am going to send out a search party." Ricky said.

"I will be." Amy said and gave Ricky one last kiss. Then she stood up and went into the house to make the ten minute drive to Adrian's house. Amy grabbed her keys and her purse. Then she got into her SUV and pulled out of the driveway and began her short drive to Adrian's. Amy turned on the radio and the song Slipped Away by Avril Lavigne began playing in the background. The song was so sad and hauntingly beautiful. Then as the line, I remember it clearly- the day you slipped away. It gave Amy a shiver. So much had happened in the years the song brought tears to her eyes. Then the line Somewhere I can't bring you back. It hurt her to hear anymore so she turned the radio off. Amy finally pulled into the driveway. She went to the frontdoor and knocked for several minutes. When no one answered she went to the back door and she knocked again no answer. Amy turned to leave when something told her to go inside. So Amy pulled out her spare key and she unlocked the back door to the kitchen. She walked in slowly.

"Adrian? Are you here?" Amy saw the kitchen had several food items on the counter and the table was covered with files and Adrian's labtop. Amy looked around the kitchen until she came upon a horrifying scene. Adrian was sprawled out on the floor with empty pill bottles all around her. And she was so still and pale. Amy immediatly dropped her purse and ran to Adrian. Amy knelt down beside Adrian and felt for a pulse and felt a very faint one. Amy grabbed her cell phone out of her pocket and dialed 911.

"911. What's your emergency?" the operator said.

"My friend she took a bunch of pills. She barely has a pulse. Her breathing is very shallow. Please hurry!" Amy said as she was crying and breathing hard all at the same time.

"Stay calm they are on the way to you now. Do you know CPR?" the operator asked.

"Yeah. SHE STOPPED BREATHING! Oh my God... She's dying..." Amy said in full panic mode.

"I need you to start compressions and breath into her mouth can you do that for me miss?" the operator said.

"I think so..." Amy said.

"Okay start but stay on the line with me." The operator said.

So Amy put her cell phone on speaker phone an began compressions and then breathed into Adrian's mouth. She repeated this several more times but Adrian didn't seem to be responding. And Amy knew she was gone. She could feel it in her heart. Then she heard the sirens in the background. She kept up with the CPR until paramedics took over. Amy stood back watching the scene. It felt like she was in shock. She didn't know what to do.

"Are you alright miss? Is there anything I can do for you?" a paramedic asked her in a gentle voice.

"I just need for her to be okay... I don't know how we could make through if she... she can't die." Amy said as she felt her tears rushing to the surface.

"We are doing all that we can to save her. We are taking her to St. Luke's if you want to follow behind." the paramedic said.

Then they wheeled Adrian out on a gurney they had an oxygen mask on her and were trying to get her heart beating again. Amy just stayed back in the kitchen and sank to her knees knowing that Adrian would never breath again, never wake again. She had slipped away to a place that no one could bring her back from. She was gone. 


	7. In the Balance

Amy wiped away her tears and she picked up her phone that had been swept aside as soon as the paramedics arrived. She dialed Bryan's number and she hit call. It ran a few times before the line picked up. Amy took a very deep breath and tried to get the courage up to tell him. And then Bryan's voice came on the line.

"Hello?" Bryan said in a very somber voice.

"It's Amy... I am afraid... I have bad news... Adrian..." Amy said and couldn't find the words to say it out loud.

"What? Amy what about her? Is she alright?" Bryan said as he sounded anxious.

"No. She took some pills... she was passed out...she stopped breathing...it doesn't look...good." Amy said between her crying.

"Oh my God! I never thought she would do anything like that. I am on my way now. Did they take her to St. Lukes?" Bryan said as he began driving.

"Yyeah...drive carefully... wait where are the kids?" Amy said.

"They're with their grandparents. I will call them and tell them what's going on. Thank you Amy." Bryan said and then hung up and drove even faster.

Amy then dialed her husband's cell phone. It rang a few times. "Hey babe were are you? I even got the whipping cream ready for dessert." Ricky said with a happy voice.

"Adrians... she's... she might not make it..." Amy got the words out.

"What happened?" Ricky said in shock.

"She took a bunch of pills. Ricky I think she died." Amy said as more tears came up and she was choking on her own air.

"Amy, listen to me I want you to take a very deep deep breath. Breath in slowly and then exhale just as slow. Do that a few more times." Ricky said as he heard her over the phone take several more breaths and she seemed to be a little calmer. "You have to stay positive. We don't know anything yet, and I don't want you to jump to conclusions. They maybe be able to save her. Maybe you got to her just in enought time." Ricky said.

"Or maybe not. I knew she was hurting but I never imagined she would ever try to take her own life. And she may have succeeded on her first try. I don't know how much more all of us can take in this life. So much pain, so much sadness, and it seems like it just never ends. Oh God Ricky what about her kids? Holly and Kate will have lost a second mother, and Hope will have lost both of her biological parents now too. How could I not see this? I am her best friend and I didn't see this coming." Amy said as all of her thoughts began to run through her mind thousands at a time it seemed.

"Amy. I love you. I know it seems very bleak but we can't know what the future will hold or how our past will impact the present and the future. It's all left to chance. But life is hard, cruel and unfair. But it is always worth the fight. We only get one shot at it and thats all were given. We all just do the best that we can. Amy I am going to call your parents and have them watch the kids and then I am coming to get you okay?" Ricky said as he could almost feel Amy's heart breaking. He hated to see her in such pain.

"Okay. I love you... please hurry." Amy said as she continued to sob.

"I will sweetheart. Just hang on a little longer." Ricky said.

"I'm trying." Amy said.

An hour later Amy and Ricky were in the emergency room waiting area. Ricky held Amy's hand in his own. They both just sat their stunned at the events that had happened in the last few hours. Both shocked and very sad. They knew that Bryan was in a room somewhere with Adrian and he was going through his own hell. And that hurt both of them so much. They were all praying for the best. Cindy and Ruben also sat near them in the waiting room, both sad and also in shock.

Bryan sat next to Adrian's bedside. She was hooked up to machines and monitors. Her body wasn't doing anything on it's own. She had done a lot of damage to her body, and the doctor's didn't know if she would ever wake up again. And Bryan couldn't accept any of this. He didn't want to accept that his wife might be gone to him forever, and by her own hand nontheless. Bryan ran his hands through his hair.

"How could you Adrian? I never thought you would go this far. I knew you were in pain and you were grieving. But how could you do this to me, to our kids, to you, and to our baby?" Bryan said as the final words sunk into him after the doctor had told him the Adrian was three months pregnant. He couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe any of this. The whole thing just made him sad, angry, hurt, resentful, and in shock.

He just couldn't believe that Adrian could leave behind so many people who loved her, and so much of her life that was filled with so many wonderful things. She had destroyed many lives tonight by her actions. Their daughters Holly, Kate, and even little Hope understood that mommy was really sick. And their innocent twins Natalie and Noah had no idea that mommy was probably never coming back. And he might have to raise them all on his own. And lastly their unborn child. He had wanted another child so much, but Adrian had been opposed to the idea. She had said it wasn't the right time. But he would have wanted this baby. He would have love them and Adrian and their family. But now their future remained uncertain with a chance less than twenty percent of survival rate. All he could do was hope and pray that their odds were in their favor.

Bryan heard a knock on the door. Amy and Ricky stood outside and they walked in quietly. Amy gave Bryan a gentle hug. And Ricky patted him on the back. Both of them pulled up the remaining two chairs and sat down next to Bryan. Bryan stared up at both of them with his blood shot eyes. He wiped away his tears and cleared his throat.

"Adrian's organs have began to shut down... she has about a 20% chance of survival rate at this point in time. The doctors also said if she survives they don't know the extent of the damage yet that she may have to live with. And lastly. Adrian is twelve weeks pregnant... and she didn't even tell me...she didn't even think of our baby, or our kids. She just went ahead and did it. How could she do this? How could she leave me alone in all of this? What am I going to do if she... if they die?" Bryan said as he put his face down into his hands and cried.

Amy bent down and pulled Bryan into a hug. Amy just sat there and held onto Bryan. She didn't know what else to do. Ricky put his hand on Amy's back. That was all they could do as the lives of their friends, and family fell apart piece by piece and there was nothing that anyone could do or say to stop or change any of it. They stayed like that for several minutes and finally Amy sat back on her chair and all of them sat quietly and watched as the monitors and the machines continued to keep Adrian alive after she had tried so hard to die. Only time would tell who would win the battle. 


	8. What's Real?

Adrian awoke to a bright white light and she saw Ricky standing above her. Adrian looked up at him, he looked like he was afraid. Then Adrian tried to remember what had happened. She remembered taking the pills and then lying there waiting for it all to go away. But she knew it didn't work because she was still here. Adrian didn't know how she felt about that yet. Adrian sat up and her head hurt her so bad and she put her hand to her forehead, she was bleeding. Ricky came over and had a towel and placed it on her head and was holding it with pressure to stop the bleeding.

"Adrian, you have to stay still. Your bleeding badly and the ambulance is on it's way." Ricky said as he looked over at someone and waved them over. Then the person came over at kneeled down next to Adrian with very worried eyes. Adrian turned and she looked into eyes she thought she would never see again in this life. Adrian screamed in terror.

"Adrian, it's me Ben. Calm down your going to be alright. Everything is okay." Ben said as he held her hand.

"No everything is not alright. Your...your not here, you can't be here. I must be dreaming." Adrian said as she breathing heavily as she looked around. They were in a parking lot and Adrian's car looked like it had been hit by the driver's side. Adrian couldn't make sense of any of this.

"Adrian, please stay still. I love you, I need you to be okay." Ben said with fear in his eyes as he looked straight into Adrian's.

"Where is Amy?" Adrian said.

"Amy is at home with the kids. She is going to meet us at the hospital. She just had to wait for her parents to get to our apartment." Ricky said as he continued to apply pressure to Adrian's forehead. Adrian's head was spinning and she felt very light headed.

"Where's Bryan?" Adrian said as she looked around for him but he wasn't anywhere in sight.

"Bryan who?" Ben asked and looked at Ricky with confusion. Ricky just shrug his shoulders unsure.

"Bryan Callum!" Adrian said in panic. This wasn't her life. How could she be here with Ben when he had died years before? Adrian figured this was somekind of nightmare and she was going to wake up to her life any minute.

"Bryan just returned from deployment with me. He is with his wife and daughters. How do you know Bryan?" Ricky asked her gently.

"Um... Amy mentioned him. I must be confused from my head injury." Adrian said as she choked back the tears.

And then the sirens were heard in the background and soon they were driving up right behind them. Soon two paramedics took over for Ricky and he and Ben stepped back. They loaded Adrian up on a gurney and they put her in the ambulance. Ben climbed in next to her and held onto her hand as Adrian's tears became overwhelming and she let them fall as they came. Ricky stay behind to tell the police about the accident and get Adrian's car taken care of.

A few minutes later Amy drove up in the parking lot and picked up Ricky. She looked over at his suit and his white shirt was covered in Adrian's blood. Amy pulled Ricky close and gave him a gentle but deep loving kiss. And then she pulled away and looked into his face as she could see the worry in his eyes. She squeezed his hand and then she began to drive toward the hospital.

"How is she?" Amy asked in concern but kept her eyes on the road. It had just started to rain.

"She is very confused. She kept saying Ben couldn't be here and asking where Bryan Callum was. She must have really hit her head bad when she hit the other car. She may have a concussion." Ricky said quietly.

"How was the funeral after I left?" Amy asked in a sad voice.

"It got really hard for everyone. They all loved Jack and no one can believe that he is gone. I still can't believe he is gone. Thank God Ben survived. Funerals are sad part of this life. I don't think I will ever get used to them." Ricky said as he kissed Amy's hand.

"I felt bad I had to leave early but Anna is only a week old and John was getting tired. I hope everyone was okay with that." Amy said as she felt a few tears come up.

"Everyone understood. They know we have been through a lot in the last year. I mean with John getting sick, us getting engaged, me enlisting, then us getting married, and then my deployment, John in recovery, and finally us having a new baby. That is a crazy year." Ricky said as he took in all of the events over the last eighteen months.

Ben was filling out forms when Amy and Ricky arrived in the emergency room waiting area. Ben saw them and waved them over. They both took the couch next to Ben and sat down. Ben put the pen down and turned to them. "The doctor said the baby is fine thank God. But Adrian's having some memory problems and they are running several tests. They worry she might have something worse than a concussion. Man this has been a rough couple of weeks." Ben said as he ran his hand in his hair.

"Yeah, I just hope she is alright. We all love and need Adrian so much. I hope she knows how much we all care about her. I know she must be worried sick about the baby... I mean after everything that happened with Mercy." Amy said.

"Actually Adrian didn't seem to remember that she was pregnant. I can't figure it out for the life of me. She has me really worried. She seems to remember all of us but it's like she doesn't remember events from her life especially recently. I don't know why she got so upset at the funeral and took off all crazy driving. Then she drove crazy through the funeral parking lot and then that car backed into the driver's side door. I felt like I was going to pass out. That fear of watching someone that you love collide with danger and there is nothing you can do to stop it. It is one of the most helpless feelings I have ever had." Ben said as he looked down and began filling out the forms he had been given.

"Ben she is going to be okay." Ricky said after a few more moments. Amy picked up Ricky's hand in her own.

"God I hope so. If anything were to happen to her... I don't think I could live with it. I love her so much more than could ever thought or known. A world that Adrian doesn't live in is just wrong. It would be a world out of balance. She has so much love and kindness in her heart. The world needs her here and so do I." Ben said as he cleared his throat.

"She is. When John got sick she was helping me through it, and when I got pregnant she was so helpful and I owe her so much more than I could ever repay. Adrian has been through alot in her young life and she has overcome so much. She deserves all the happiness and love that she can have. She is my best friend and I love her so much too." Amy said as she brushed away a few tears.

"Yeah she saw me through some rough spots in life. She made me see things honestly and she challenged so much of myself. It was what I needed though. And she gives all with her whole heart. She isn't afraid to be who she is or do the right thing. But that's just who she is." Ricky said as he turned and gave Amy a kiss on the cheek.

Adrian was in a hospital gown and she had just been brought back after a cat scan and blood work. Her head hurt so bad and she still felt st dizzy. The doctor came up and was looking at Adrian's chart. "Dr. something is very wrong here. See the man who came with me, he is supposed to be dead. I am married to another man, his name is Bryan Callum. And I have five children. I need to get out of here. I have to figure this out." Adrian said in panic.

"Relax Mrs. Boykewich we are here to help you. It looks like you took quite a nasty bump on the head. I am sure once you get a good nights rest you will be more alert and less confused. I am going to look at your test results and will be back in a while. I want you to lay down and close your eyes for me and just rest." The doctor said.

Adrian layed down and pulled the blankets up. Maybe the doctor was right. If this was a nightmare and she went to sleep eventually she would wake up in her own time and things would be put back to the way they were. And although Adrian was thrilled Ben was alive she felt like this version of life was all wrong.

So Adrian closed her eyes and tried to picture each of her children's faces, names, and their voices and finally she fell into a deep deep sleep. She felt at peace and at ease with everything. She only hoped when she awoke that everything would be back to the way it was supposed to be. She only hoped.


	9. Confussion

Adrian awoke the next morning in the hosptial. She saw Bryan talking with Ricky quietly at the end of the bed. Adrian smiled knowing it must have all just been a horrible nightmare. She watched as they both were talking about something it appeared very seriously. Adrian was just glad to see Bryan here and right in front of her. It made her smile again.

"Bryan" Adrian said softly.

"Hello." Bryan said as he turned around and looked over at Adrian.

"I am so glad to see you. Can you come here?" Adrian said. Bryan walked over to the side of the bed and Adrian pulled him close and she gave him a very deep and passionate kiss. Finally Bryan pulled back and stood up.

"What was that for?" Bryan said as he looked almost in shock.

"Silly we are married. Can't a wife kiss her husband when she wants to." Adrian said and then leaned up and gave him another deep kiss. At first Bryan was resisting but it was like they had ignited a spark that was so strong that they pulled one another together. After a minute Ricky cleared his throat in an uncomfortable way.

"Adrian I don't know exactly how you came to those conclusions but Bryan isn't your husband. Ben is. Or are you two having an affair and just not telling anyone?" Ricky said with a very serious tone and look on his face.

"No I would never do that to Adrian or Ben. I barely met Adrian just that one time when I was at your house waiting for you and she said hello as she passed by." Bryan said as he didn't know what to think.

"We're not married? Oh my God I am still here in the past. How can this be happening? I need to get back to my time. I don't know how to do that. But I can't stay here." Adrian said and began to get out of her hospital bed, but Bryan made her stay in bed.

"Adrian we all will help you figure this all out. But you need to get rest right now. That is the most important thing. I am clearly upsetting you so I will leave." Bryan said but Adrian grabbed his hand and pulled him back.

"Don't go please stay here." Adrian said with a pleading voice. So Bryan pulled a chair next to her bed and sat down.

"I will go find Ben." Ricky said as he left the room.

"I know this sounds crazy, but you have to believe me. We are married in the future and we have five children between us and your in the army and I am finally working at a law firm. Only we have had a rough six months. And I made a huge mistake. I hope that it doesn't cost me everything. I know that when I talked to your future self the last time I said somethings I should have. I do love you very much, I loved Ben too but it was different. And like you said you couldn't compete with a ghost. Ben is gone and I had to accept that and I do. I love our life and our children. And when I was pregnant with our twins it was miraculous to feel them growing inside of me. I know that I have hurt you but I love you and I want to be alive and healthy. I want our family back and I will fight for it. Bryan I love you." Adrian said as she wiped away her tears.

"I know this must seem real to you. But I think when you hit your head it caused some trauma to your memory. It will come back to you in time. I know this must be hard and all but your family and your friends are here for you." Bryan said as he gave her a smile.

"I'll prove it to you. You are getting divorced from your wife Susan. You have two little girls named Holly and Kate. Your parents and your brothers and sister all live in Montana. You moved her for Susan's job. She is engaged to her boss and wants you to give up all rights to the girls so that he can adopt them. And she makes visiting your girls almost impossible. She is an alcoholic and she does drugs. She may be clean now but she isn't is our time. Your trained as an EMT, but recently you talked about when your done with the Army if you don't decide to renlist you want to maybe become a nurse or even a doctor. And you have a tiny birth mark on your hip that looks like a half moon. And when we make love you..." Adrian said but stopped as a very angry looking Ben came charging in.

"What the hell does that mean. When we make love? Are you sleeping with my wife?" Ben demanded from Bryan who had stood up and was standing next to Ben. Although Bryan was six inches taller than Ben.

"No her memory is obviously confused from her accident. I don't know why she is saying these things. I have only met your wife another time once and it was brief. I am sorry that you are all going through all of this. But I would never touch another man's wife. I will go. I am sorry for anything that I have caused." Bryan said and then left the room.

"Ben this isn't our life. It may have been if things had turned out differently. But some stuff happened and it changed the whole course of all of this. I have to tell you all but you just seem to think I am either extremely confused, cheating, or crazy I guess." Adrian said as she could see the hurt in Ben's eyes.

"Your parents are coming up from Mexico. They cut their visit with Alex short to fly back. Both of them are worried sick about you. I reassured them that you will be alright and that you were being released today but maybe I acted to quickly. Maybe the doctor should keep you here for a while longer and do some more test to really make sure everything is okay." Ben said as he sat down in the chair that Bryan had just been sitting in.

"I know I sound crazy and maybe I am. I am only telling you what I remember and all of this timeline doesn't fit into it. I mean John getting sick, Amy and Ricky getting married, having baby Anna, Ricky enlisting, Ben and I reconnecting, I getting pregnant for the second time, all of that fits in. But the car accident that hurt Ben and Jack was horrific and seems to not have happened." Adrian said.

Ben got real quiet for a second. "Actually it did. I am doing alright, but Jack sustained horrible injuries and they did everything that they could but the doctors weren't able to save him. He's gone Adrian." Ben said.

"No it was supposed to be different. That means if Jack dies, he won't marry Grace or have the twins and that means John will die without a bone marrow transplant from them. And Alex is alive and that means if Ben is alive Noah and Natalie will never exsist and I will never be Holly and Kate's mom." Adrian said as she began to start crying and breathing heavily.

The nurse came in with a doctor. "We are just going to give you something to calm you down Adrian." Then put the shot into her IV. Adrian immediatly calmed down.

Ben, Ricky, and Amy all looked around helpless as to what was going on or how to help. All they could do was pray and wait for Adrian to get her memory back so that she would remember everything that was real in her life. But some of the things that Adrian had said it close to home for everybody especially as Ricky and Amy heard her say that John would die. That made them very uneasy. And Ben heard her say he should be dead but he wasn't. Only time would tell how Adrian would recover. 


	10. Decisions

Ben sat next to Adrian's bedside. She was still out from the medicine they gave her to calm her down. Ben couldn't make any sense of this. He could only come up that she must have hit her head hard and her memories got jumbled around and perhaps changed in some instances. It hurt him to see Adrian like this. They had been so full of hope and love the last few months. Everything seemed to be going well. They were back together and so happy. Adrian was in her first year in college and Ben had finished high school and was preparing to join his wife at the same college in the fall to study to become a psychologist. And then the news of their expecting a second baby caught them off guard. But they couldn't have been more happier, but scared at the same time. It was something they both wanted but they had been careful not to get their hopes up to much because they never knew what could happen. They had been through that before. Adrian stirred alittle and finally opened her eyes.

"Hey beautiful. I love you." Ben said and pulled her hand to his lips and gently kissed it.

"Ben I am sorry if what I said was hurtful. It wasn't intended to be. That's just what happened. Nothing makes sense anymore." Adrian said as she sat up slowly and Ben still held her hand in his own.

"It's alright. I know you have been through alot recently. But Adrian everything you said never happened. Your mind has gone through a great trauma. I think you really think that this isn't real and what you remember in your mind is. I assure you this is our life. I know we made vows to each other this year and I hold true to them and I thought you felt the same. Maybe this is your way of saying you made a mistake and you want out. If that is how you feel I won't stop you Adrian. But we will be forever connected whether we are married or not. Through Mercy and our baby your carrying. Nothing can change that." Ben said trying to cover the hurt in his voice.

"Ben I love you so much. I always wanted us to be together and raise our kids together and be a family. I could see us going through life together and raising our family, chasing our dreams, working our careers, and growing old together. I wanted it so bad, I could almost reach out and grab it. Almost. But..." Adrian stopped as Ben put his finger up to her lips.

"No buts. Just reach out and grab it Adrian. It's right here in front of you. All you have to do is reach out and take it. We can have all of that and so much more. I love you Adrian, and I know that you love me. And this is our second chance to have our family and our life together and I am not giving up on that. We have been to hell and back. I think we can survive you having memory problems. Now no more about these memories, at least for a while. Okay?" Ben said as he gently placed a kiss on her lips.

"Okay." Adrian said as she sighed after they parted from the kiss. She had forgotten how gentle and how soft Ben's kisses had been. It felt like home again. But Adrian couldn't help but feel that it just wasn't right but she couldn't place her hand on it. A knock on the door broke up her thoughts. Amy and Ricky appeared in the doorway.

"Is this a bad time?" Amy asked.

"No come in please." Adrian said as he face lit up as she saw Amy.

Ricky and Amy walked in. Amy had flowers and a card which she handed to Adrian. And then Ricky and Amy sat down on the sofa in the room. Adrian opened the card and read the touching words of Amy and Ricky. It made her tear up.

"Thank you both so much. They are both so beautiful." Adrian said.

"I am glad you like them. How are you doing today Adrian?" Amy asked softly.

"Okay I guess. Everything is so fuzzy. Can you fill me in on what's been going on in this time... going on in everyone's lives?" Adrian said as she had to stop herself from saying another timeline.

"Well you know about Jack sadly. Grace was completely devastated. They had just got engaged the week before. Sadly that won't come to pass. She is in New York now getting ready for Medical School. Her family is staying up there for a while to help her with anything she might need. Ashley is in England. She is quite the stage actress. She is in Romeo and Juliet right now. She is very talented. She is studying over there for the summer and will continue in the fall. She graduated a year early. Her and Toby broke up when he went to Florida. It was really hard on her. Lauren and Madison are back East going to a college together. My parents got remarried and seem very happy. Your parents are very happy and very much in love. Both work alot but they enjoy that it seems. They just went to see your younger brother in Mexico for a few weeks. They cut it short and are on their way back now. John has a clean bill of health. And Anna is growing so good, shes a wonderful baby. And Ricky is home for another week but then he leaves again. I am sad to see him go, but it was our choice that we made together and Ricky is a man of his word. And..." Amy stopped when she saw Adrian start to tear up.

Ben kissed her hand and he stared at her with worry in his eyes. "I am alright, I was just wondering if I could talk with Amy for a little while alone?" Adrian said. Ben kissed her on the forehead and quietly left. Ricky gave Amy a kiss on her cheek and also left in silence. Amy then got up and took the seat that had Ben's prior.

"Amy your the one that gets me so much. I know we have had our differences, but you have seen me at my worst and I have you too. This isn't the life your supposed to have. Amy you have to believe me. In the world I live you and Ricky our happy. You have a house and you have you five kids. John, Anna, Lucy, Henry and lastly Emma. You love your kids and Ricky is discharged and safe from the army. He finished his business degree and he works with several businesses and you all just got back from being gone from a year in Chicago. This isn't how this is supposed to be. But I am telling you that there is something really wrong." Adrian said.

"Adrian I know that you want to believe in the memories that you recall but you have to look at the facts that your mind is still healing from the jolt you recieved and your confused..." Amy said but was cut off.

"I am not crazy, or confused. I know what it and what isn't. In my life Ben died in that accident. I had our daughter Hope. And I marry Bryan in the future. We adopt each other's children. And we have twins Noah and Natalie. I had a great life, but then I threw it away with both hands and I didn't even care or think of any of them. i just couldn't see a way out of the darkness. The pain just consumed me and I thought everyone would be better off I was gone but I think somehow that isn't the truth. I can only imagine what Bryan in my time is thinking. This is probably going to kill him." Adrian said as her tears came again.

"Adrian we all love you. I know this is all confusing but things will sort themselves out evetually. You just have to give them time." Amy said.

"No that's it. I think I am between life and death. And this is the place that I came too for whatever the reasons. I have to jolt myself back into my own time and the way I figured is to recreate the accident from the parking lot and I think that should work. But I am going to need you help?" Adrian asked.

"Adrian I can't. I won't help you try to hurt yourself. I just can't. And you can't either you need to stay in bed until your well." Amy said.

Adrian got angry and got up out of the bed and she grabbed what looked like something she probably wore and threw in on and took off the hospital gown. And then she disconnected all the machines and tubes. "I have to fix this and make it right. Don't you see if I don't I will probably end up dead and that will be just great like I served up my life on a platter. I need my life to have meaning and hope again. I am going to do this with or without any of your help." Adrian said and then she left the room. Amy just sat there completely in shock. And then Amy called the nurse's number for help. She had to stop Adrian from trying to hurt herself or anyone else. 


	11. Finding Help

Adrian started running and didn't stop until she was out in the hospital parking lot and then she caught her breath and she could feel the sun on her skin. She let the rays warmth come over her. It made her felt alive. Then she started walking and kept walking until she came upon a small cemetary. She walked inside and she recognized this place. This was where Ben's mom and their daughter Mercy were laid to rest. Adrian kept walking until she came upon the small angel statue headstone that was Mercy's final resting place.

Adrian sat down and she traced the words on the stone. It read: Mercy Angelica Boykevich. Our Guardian Angel. It also listed the day she was born and died which were one and the same. Then Adrian laid ontop of her daughter's grave and let her tears fall. She laid there for what seemed like ages. Until she heard footsteps come up gently behind her. And then strong arms enclosed her. And she clung to the person and let her tears fall all over again. She knew it was Ben. He understood her so well and he knew where she would go. And finally after several more minutes Adrian pulled back and wiped away her tears and looked over at Ben.

"You scared me when you took off like that. All of this scares the hell out of me Adrian. I don't know what to make of this. I guess most of all I just don't want to lose you. I have come to realize that you are my one true love and your the one that I want to be with for all of my life. And I thought that was how you felt about me. I won't keep you to promises that you made. I understand if you changed your mind. If you have please let me down as gentle as you can. My heart can't take too much pain. But know that I love you so much and I always will." Ben said as he reached out and gently stroked her cheeks. Adrian closed her eyes and savored in his gentle feather light touch.

Adrian opened her eyes and stared into the eyes that she loved so much and then she decided that she wouldn't keep fighting this but would see it through. If this was where she was then she would be here. But she would continue to look for answers to get back to a time she remembered. She would enjoy and spend as much time with Ben knowing that the future he wanted so badly would never come true, sadly it would end on a dark night in a horrible accident. Adrian couldn't think about that now. All she knew that Ben was right in front of her and she would hold him as long as she could.

"I love you Ben I always have and always will. I have been confused and searching for something that I remember. But your right your here and I just have to reach out and hold onto you. And I am going to just that. I just need you to be patient and never doubt that I love you. You are the one for me. I may love others too but you are the one love in a lifetime that sets my heart on fire and completes my soul. And nothing will ever change that. No matter where we go or how our lives change. I love you so much Ben." Adrian said and pulled Ben in close and kisses him deeply.

Six months later:

Adrian was now ending her pregnancy and she had settled into college student, wife, and future mother but she had also continued to search for answers. And she had found a therapist that could potentionally help her make sense of her memories. She pulled up in front of the office. And she got out of the car and then she walked into the small office which looked very tidy and comfortable.

"Hi I have an appointment with Dr. Andrews." Adrian said.

"Name." the receptionist said.

"Adrian Boykewich." Adrian said.

"Okay go down this hallway. First door on your right.

Adrian walked out and she found the door and she knocked on the door which was ajar. And she saw a young woman looking over a file. She was blonde with green eyes. She was in her thirties, but she looked very friendly.

"Hi you must be Adrian, Please come in and take a seat. I am Laura. Now what brings you here to me?" Laura asked her as Adrian took a seat in one of the large chairs.

"Six months ago I was in a different time, or timeline and in that life I took some pills to end my life and the next thing I know I wake up here. And that's where I have been for the last six months." Adrian said.

"Oh well that is quite a journey. What are you looking to get out of out therapy sessions?" Laura asked her gently.

"I want to put the pieces together and make sense of all of this because it doesn't. The events that are happening now didn't happen in my timeline. My first husband died but he is here and alive now. I have our daughter and raise her with help from family until I get married to man named Bryan and we later on have twins and we raise our family together until my brother gets shot and killed and I basically messed me up bad. I am glad that Ben is alive and that I can be apart of his life and we might get the future that we never had. But I also know that if certain things don't turn out than worse events are going to happen and as much as it makes me sad to leave this time and this place I have to put things back to the way they are." Adrian said as each word hurt and she felt her salty tears rolling down her face.

"Well hopefully this will help you understand how you got here and where your going. Why don't we start at the events that coincide on both timelines?" Laura said as set the tape recorder and she had her notepad and pen out as well.

"Well Ben and I found out in high school that we were pregnant and we got married. But shortly afterwards our daughter Mercy dies. And then we begun to fight and so we seperated and eventually started divorce proceedings. And then our two friends Amy and Ricky who were engaged, and had a two year old son was diagnosed with cancer. And Ben and I found each other again and we decided we didn't want to be divorced. Ricky enlisted in the army and then after he came back on leave he and Amy were married and conceived their second child together. Ben and I got very close and were living together as husband and wife and the night I found out I was pregnant again Ben and Jack were in an accident. That's were the two timeline's diverge from the accident." Adrian said and she wiped away her tears with a tissue.

"Well it sounds like there was alot of pain on both sides. I am truly sorry for the loss of your little girl. That must have been really hard for you both. Adrian it could take months for you to work through all of this and even in the end you may find out the other timeline you remember was the one that never really happened and right now is what is real. Will you be alright with that?" Laura asked her.

"I guess I would have to be but I have to make sure that this really is what it is supposed to be." Adrian said with conviction in her voice.

"I understand. Alright let's continue with the other storyline that you continued on as if Ben wasn't alive." Laura said as Adrian continued to relive the sad and also happy moments that she remembered. And now she wished she hadn't tried to take her own life. She realized that her life was worth so much more than that. That Ben had wanted more for her and her life than for her to just throw it all away in a stupid mistake. 


	12. Going Back

It was a dark and foggy day as Adrian looks unto what looks like a funeral. It is raining and everyone is wearing black. And then she spots her kids and her husband Bryan standing by the casket. They were all crying and looking very sad. Adrian called out but no one could here her. After the pastor finished the service her patted Bryan's hand and he walks away. Bryan stands right in front of the casket as Adrian stands just next to him.

He laid down a yellow rose with a ribbon tied around it. He then placed his hand on the coffin. "I'm going to miss you so much honey. I never imagined life would turn out this way without you. I can't even think how it will be without you... I am sorry that I failed you Adrian. I am sorry this happened." Bryan said as his tears continued to flow down in a steady stream. And then Bryan and the kids walked away.

"Wait! Come back! You didn't fail me, I failed you. Oh why can't I just get back to you." Adrian said as her family dissapears before her. And Adrian lays on the ground and then she hears footsteps and then a hand reaches out to her. Adrian takes the hand and stands up and she is looking straight into Amy's eyes.

"Amy." Adrian said as she hugged her.

"Adrian this is how this will turn out if you don't fight. Your family needs you so much. You need to fight." Amy said to her.

"I don't know how to fight." Adrian said in her tears.

"You do. The answers are inside of you. You have to just put the pieces together and make sense of where you are now and where you need to be. Otherwise Adrian things will get far worse than you ever thought. Your life will leave cracks that will break your family apart. Remember who are. Remember Adrian. Remember." Amy kept saying.

Then Adrian awoke to Ben shaking her. She could feel the sweat pouring down her face. And her heart was racing. Adrian looked over and saw a worried look on his face. "I'm alright. I think." Adrian said trying to convince them both.

"You were crying and screaming. You called out Amy's name. Do you want me to see if she is awake?" Ben asked her as he tried to calm Adrian down.

"No... oh no. I must have been dreaming again. The memories are just so crazy. I sometimes just get so confused at figuring out if they are real or they aren't real. I guess I still get overwhelmed by it all. I'll be alright though. I didn't mean to wake you up. Go back to bed. I think I will just read my book for a while." Adrian said as she leaned over and turned her bedside lamp on and picked up the novel that was on her bedside.

"You sure?" Ben asked her.

"Yeah. I am just going to relax a little bit before I join you. Just a few minutes. I promise." Adrian said.

"Okay. I love you." Ben said and leaned over and kissed her forehead and then he laid back down and fell asleep quickly. Adrian opened the novel but couldn't concentrate on the book. So Adrian just stared off trying to put the pieces together but somehow it seemed like she was more confused than ever. How could she get out of here by remembering. She remembered everything. She just didn't understand how to figure this out. Eventually Adrian turned off her light and laid back down. She took a while to get comfortable with the baby pressing on her nerve it was hard but she finally got comfortable.

The next day Adrian decides to go see Bryan and try to figure out what was going on. So she got his address and she takes her car which was finally fixed after the car accident after the funeral. She drove around until she finally came upon a small but very nice home. She parked out front and then she picked up her purse and her keys and walked up to the front door. She knocked and then after a few seconds the door opened and their stood Susan. She was heavily pregnant.

"Can I help you miss?" Susan asked.

"Yes I wondering if I could see Bryan." Adrian finally found her voice and asked.

"Oh yes. Bryan." Susan yelled.

"I am sure he will be down. Oh your pregnant too." Susan said as she patted her very extended stomach.

"Yeah a little girl any day now." Adrian said.

"Yeah were having a boy and a girl. Twins! But we are excited." Susan says.

"Any names yet?" Susan asked.

"Um not sure yet." Adrian said.

"We finally settled on Natalie and Noah." Susan said with a huge smile on her face.

Adrian's eyes widened. "Well congrats." Adrian said as she tried ot smile as best as she could.

"Thank you. Oh here is Bryan. Nice to meet you miss." Susan said and walked away.

Bryan sees Adrian and he comes outside and closes the door behind him. He stares into Adrian's eyes. "What are you doing here Adrian?" Bryan finally said.

"I just wanted to talk with you and see how you are but I can leave your obviously upset." Adrian said as she begins to walk away and then Bryan reaches out and he touches Adrian's hands. And electric shock runs between them. Adrian and Bryan's eyes meet as this happens.

"Wait please." Bryan said and Adrian stopped and turned around.

"How are you?" Adrian asked finally.

"Alright, you?" Bryan asked.

"Okay." Adrian said.

"What happened to us Bryan?" Adrian said out loud.

"Adrian there isn't an us. I think you are a beautiful woman and your husband is very lucky." Bryan said.

"In another life we are and we have our children and we really loved one another and then I decided that taking my life was better for all of you. How could I do that?" Adrian said as she wiped away her tears.

"Adrian it will be okay." Bryan said as he tried to comfort her.

"I don't know if it ever will be Bryan. I hope so." Adrian said aloud and then the door opened and Susan came back out.

"Honey dinner is done. Why don't you invite you friend to eat with us we have plenty of food." Susan said and kissed his cheek.

"I will be right in." Bryan said as Susan walked back inside and closed the door behind her.

"I shouldn't have come. This was a mistake." Adrian said as she ran for her car. She pushed her alarm and her car unlocked. She got in and started the engine than drove off all crazy. Bryan watched in horror as she left. He ran inside to call Ricky and let him know what had happened.

Adrian kept driving as her tears kept blinding her and it started to rain and Adrian put her windshield wipers on but just as they started to clear away the rain drops a small child appeared in the road. So Adrian swerved quickly and her car ran off the road and into the ditch and Adrian hit her head on the steering wheel. She blacked out and she saw a bright white light and then she remembered nothing as everything went dark again.

Then she stood in a field and Ben was right next to her. He was holding her hand and he smiled over at her and she smiled back at him too. "I didn't want to die Adrian. I wanted us to be together for a lifetime. I guess it was a short lifetime. I always love you Adrian. Don't let Hope forget me. I want her to know about me. I know now what I have to do. I have to let you go so that you can move on. I have been holding onto you. I didn't want to let you go. But I am a part of your past and present awaits you. I love you so much Adrian. Don't forget to remember me. Remember." Ben said and he kissed her gently and then everything went dark again.

Then Adrian woke up to monitors beeping and someone calling her name. A guy's voice she thought. She knew that voice so well. Why couldn't she put a face to it? Then she knew it was Bryan he was calling out for her. And Adrian opened her eyes and she was staring into her husbands very worried and sad looking face. She reached up and gently stroked his cheek.

"Oh Thank God Adrian. I thought I had lost you. I love you honey." Bryan said as he leaned in and kissed her forehead. Adrian couldn't talk with the breathing tube down her throat but she could hold his hand and stare up at him. She had waited it seemed like an eternity to see him, but yet now she was incredibily sad that Ben wasn't here and he wasn't comforting her. And she knew that one part of her heart she had to let go of and the other she had to hold onto to. Even though it would break her heart to say a final goodbye to the one she loved so much. s 


	13. Consequences

After the doctors had checked Adrian's vitals and taken her off life support Bryan was then able to talk to her. They were finally left alone after Adrian had waken up. Adrian stared at Bryan for a while and Bryan was trying to get all of his thoughts together before he said anything until he finally decided to just ask her the one thing he wanted the answer to most of all.

"Why? Why would you do this Adrian?" Bryan said as his heart broke with every word.

"I just thought there was no way out and seemed like I was doing more harm and I just felt you and the kids would be better off without me. I just couldn't see the end to the suffering. It just seemed to go on and on. I couldn't face the demons anymore. They were there when I went to bed, when I woke up and throughout my entire day. The sadness just overcame me where I couldn't see anything but the pain and then after we fought I just saw the pills and I took them and waited to die. I know now that I was wrong." Adrian said as it hurt her to see Bryan like this and know the pain that she had caused.

"You are lucky. If you hadn't asked Amy to stop by earlier in the day we would all be at both of your funerals right now. You are damn lucky to be alive. And I hope and pray and you see that and try to live life again. Because I need you Adrian more than you will ever know and so do the kids." Bryan said as he gently picked up her hand.

"I know that now. What did you mean by both of your funerals?" Adrian said.

"Yours and the babys." Bryan said and Adrian looked very confused.

"Baby? What baby?" Adrian said in alarm.

"Adrian your thirteen weeks pregnant. You didn't know?" Bryan looked at her in confusion as well.

"No... Oh God No! How could I do that to our baby. I didn't know Bryan. I swear to you I didn't. I mean I know we said some horrible things to one another right before I did this but it had nothing to do with my decision. I can't believe it." Adrian said as she put her other hand over her lower abdomen.

"I believe you. I love you Adrian. Even if you loved Ben more than me and still do. I still want to be your husband and the father of our children. I know he meant everything to you but I will take whatever part of you I can get. I just want you in my life however you want. I don't want to ever be without you again. It's hard on the waiting side as someone you love is hurt or might not make it." Bryan said as he kissed her hand.

"I know I have been there a time or two with you. But this time was my fault. And your wrong I have come to realize that I love you very much. It's just a different kind of love with you Bryan but it doesn't mean I loved him more. It just means I love you in a different way. I have come to realize different types of love come with each person in your life. And I want you too. I love you so much." Adrian said as she pulled Bryan close to her and he kissed her with the most passion since before the shooting.

"Ah. that was worth every moment. I miss our kisses. We haven't done that much anymore." Adrian said as she smiled at Bryan.

A knock came on the door. A doctor walked in. "Hi Mrs. Callum if I could just ask you some questions in private?" the doctor said.

"I'll go call your parents and Ricky and Amy and let them all know your awake. I love you." Bryan said as he kissed her hand and walked out of the room.

The doctor took a seat next to Adrian's bed. She pulled out a chart and a pen and a pad of paper. "Hi I am Dr. Jensen. I am a psychiatrist. I am here to ask you a lot of questions. Okay?" Dr. Jensen said.

"Ok." Adrian said.

"Okay, so I am going to just dive in here. First of all you are Adrian Callum?" she asked Adrian.

"Yes."

"Alright. What were your thoughts as you made the decision to take your own life?" Dr. Jensen said in a very serious voice.

"I couldn't see things getting any better. The pain just hurt so much everyday to keep living with. I just thought my family deserved better and so if I removed myself than they wouldn't have to deal with me and my demons. It seemed like the answer at the time." Adrian said.

"So there is no abuse or drug issues in your family or your in your marriage?" Dr. Jensen said as she took some notes.

"Absolutely no. Bryan is a great husband and father. He would never do any of those things." Adrian said with a bit of hostility in her voice.

"I'm sorry we just have to ask these questions to everybody. It isn't meant to imply anything. It just gives us a better understanding of your family life and your mindset." Dr. Jensen said.

"Well it's just hard to hear these questions and have to answer them knowing the people your asking about." Adrian said.

"I understand. But Adrian if I can be frank with you so is suicide. It is something we want to prevent and we want to help you and others find other ways of treatment to help you lead as happy and productive life that you can. So I might seem like I am trying to be intrusive but I am just trying to help you. Okay." Dr. Jensen said.

"Ok." Adrian replied.

Thirty minutes later after a zillion questions, Adrian felt like this woman knew her entire life's history. It left Adrian feeling exposed and vulnerable and she didn't like to feel so helpless. But she had to try to get better so she could be there for Bryan, their kids, and everyone else in her life that cared about her so much. Adrian realized now that she had a lot to live for and even though she had hardships in her life it didn't mean that she couldn't live a happy life. It didn't take away from those she had lost. In a way it was honoring them by carrying on.

"Adrian you will be placed on a seventy-two hour hold. It's standard procedure after a failed suicide attempt. You will go to a different part of the hospital. I'll be back with a nurse in about an hour and we wil get you checked in." Dr. Jensen said and then left the room. Bryan walked back in after she left and sat down in the same chair the doctor had just been in.

"It will be okay Adrian. This will be good. It will help you to find the right treatments to get you back on your feet. We will all be here for you. Amy is on her way over now. She packed you a bag for your stay and she should be here soon. She is bringing the girls. The twins are with your parents. I thought they might just be too young." Bryan said to Adrian.

"I hope that your right because this is scary and I know I did this. I just want to be happy again. And I am willing to do anything to make that happen. I love you two." Adrian said.

Bryan and Adrian talked for a few more minutes and then they heard a knock and Holly, Kate, Hope and Amy all came walking into the hospital room. Amy walked over to Adrian first and hugged her so tightly like she was afraid to let go of Adrian. "I am so glad to see you awake. I was so afraid... I am just glad that your doing good." Amy said as she wiped away her tears.

"Thank you for saving my life." Adrian whispered into Amy's ear.

"The doctors did that." Amy said.

"No you did Amy. Without you who knows what could be happening now." Adrian said as she looked into Amy's face. Amy just smiled at her.

Then all three of the girls came running up on the other side of the bed and were all hugging and kissing Adrian. Adrian held onto them so tightly thankful for her kids. "Mommy I missed you so much." Hope said.

Adrian looked down into her face which represented Ben so much. She even had his eyes. She knew then that even though Ben had died, he really did live on. He lived on through Hope. Adrian scooped up Hope and held onto her tightly. "I missed you too honey." Then she looked over at Holly and Kate.

"I love you girls so much. I don't know what I would ever do without you. Or how lucky I got too have two such beautiful eldest daughters who are so kind and helpful. I love you Holly and Kate. Your not little girls anymore though your young women now." Adrian said as she looked on them with pride.

"We love you too and we are glad your doing well." Holly said and leaned over and kissed Adrian on the cheek.

And then Adrian heard another knock on the door. "Adrian it's time." Dr. Jensen said. And Adrian hugged her girls tightly to them and then she had to say goodbye to them for the next three days because they wouldn't be allowed up there to visit. And she then was taken to a different area of the hospital that would lock her up and make sure she was safe. But she felt more scared now than she had before she couldn't get back to this time. Only time would tell what was ahead. And as the door closed and locked behind them as she was shown into the new wing Adrian felt a sense of confinment as the door closed with a hard thud. 


End file.
